Defying a tradition of silence around sexual abuse and trauma, Somali women are beginning to speak out about long-hidden ordeals perpetrated by men they trusted — boyfriends, teachers and sometimes religious leaders.

From a 14-year-old sexually assaulted by her Quran teacher to a young woman attacked by a trusted friend who later spread rumors to humiliate her, they have faced threats from the most unexpected people and places. For decades and longer, in a culture in which silence is sometimes mistaken for strength and fear of embarrassment is strong, the victims’ silence not only concealed punishable crimes but led to years of shame and internal pain.

Two young women recently shared their stories of betrayal and trauma with Sahan Journal. Their real names have been kept confidential to protect them from retaliation.

Sara’s story

On a summer evening in 2018, Sara (a pseudonym) and a male friend attended a party hosted by a group of friends at a Minneapolis lake. After the event, the two headed home in his car, stopping at a convenience store next to her house. 

As Sara exited the car, her friend leaned in for a kiss. She told him that she was not interested in anything of that sort. But he continued with his advances, clasping both of her hands in one of his and climbing on top of her. 

Using all of her strength, Sara jolted back to escape his grip, smashing her head on the car door.

“Oh my God, my head is bleeding!” I screamed, and then he let me go,” she said.

Sara fled the car, leaving her wallet and other items behind. She has not gotten them back. 

Shame, suspicion, silence

Victims’ advocates say survivors are often met with shaming, blaming and suspicion when they report domestic and sexual assault. This deters them from seeking justice and healing, trapping them in a cycle of pain and trauma.

While this pattern appears in all classes and cultures, it can be especially strong in the Somali community because of cultural and religious beliefs that hold that women should not be alone with men who are not their husbands or related by blood.

And when a perpetrator is someone close to the victim or her family, the taboo can lead to even greater trauma. 

The Minneapolis-based nonprofit Isuroon has been providing domestic and sexual violence victims with culturally sensitive resources, including food, shelter referrals and legal advocacy, since its inception 15 years ago. 

Fartun Weli, its founder and CEO, said one particularly alarming trend her organization has noted is date rape,  when men coerce women they are dating — and who trusted them — into sexual intercourse.

In some cases, women and girls were videotaped during the attack without their knowledge and later threatened with having the footage released online if they didn’t cooperate with the perpetrator — trapping them in a cycle of sexual assaults, Fartun said.

“Almost all of these cases were not reported to the authorities, except one person who was arrested in 2022,” she said. 

This was a 34-year-old man who drugged, sexually assaulted, videotaped a minor and warned her that if she told anyone, he would publicize the footage and continue to assault her, Fartun said. 

Fartun said her organization is currently working with 22 sexual assault victims from the Twin Cities. Seven of the victims have active cases with the authorities, and the other 15 have not yet decided whether to report to the authorities. She believes these cases would lead to criminal charges, but the victims have been hesitant to press charges.

The abuse began when the girl was about 14 and continued until 2022, when she was in her 20s, Fartun said. 

“Sexual and domestic violence has always been in our community, but older generations never reported it because of the shaming they would face later,” she said. 

The U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey reported in 2015-17 that one in five women in the United States has experienced sexual assault in her lifetime. 

A 2018 study published by the Ramsey County attorney’s office revealed significant shortcomings in the prosecution of sexual assault cases. Another study by Ramsey County reported that women of color are disproportionately affected.

The study revealed that out of 646 police reports reviewed, only 29.7% (192) were referred to the Ramsey County attorney’s office for a charging decision; 37% (74) of those referred were criminally charged and 60.4% declined. (About 2.6% of those referred had some other result, such as a request for further investigation.)

The low prosecution rate is the result of several factors, such as victims waiting too long with little or no information about the status of their cases, or having difficulty staying connected with law enforcement investigators and eventually dropping out of the case.

Ramsey County has since launched the Start By Believing initiative in partnership with several police departments to support victims of sexual assault.

Sumeya, a victims’ advocate for the St. Paul and Ramsey County Domestic Abuse Intervention Project who asked to be identified by her first name only due to the sensitivity of her work, said she often handles cases where victims have been shot, stabbed, or severely beaten. 

Her organization focuses on intimate-partner violence cases; when clients come to them with other issues, they are referred to the appropriate agencies.

For example, when Sumeya encounters a sexual assault case, she refers the victim to Sexual Offense Services of Ramsey County, commonly referred to as SOS.

Victims can confidentially report rape to SOS without involving law enforcement. They receive medical care, evidence is collected, and if a victim decides to pursue charges, the hospital will release the evidence to authorities.   

One of the challenging aspects of determining whether sexual violence has occurred in intimate relationships is that many victims either don’t realize that they have been sexually violated or, even if they know it, they don’t tell anyone, she said.

“When victims tell me they are experiencing abuse, I often explain to them what intimate-partner violence means, and they respond, ‘Yes, that happened to me too,’” Sumeya said.

Isuroon’s crisis resource coordinator, Najma Elmi, said she has seen a few sexual abuse cases since she started working at Isuroon a year and a half ago. Many go unreported because they happen within the victim’s circle of family or friends. And though victims may share their ordeals with Isuroon, they often are not prepared to report the rape to police due to embarrassment and fear.

“In that case, the only thing we can do is to support them with whatever they feel comfortable with,” Najma said.

After the attack, things got even worse.

Sara said she didn’t know what to do after the man she had considered a friend tried to rape her, and did not believe there was any outside help available to her.  Staying silent felt like her best course of action.

She told only a few close friends, fearing that if she told anyone else, the story would circulate and eventually the blame would fall on her.

That fear came true when the perpetrator began  spreading ugly rumors, telling people in their circle of mutual friends, “Hey, did you guys know that Sara performed oral sex for me in my car?” 

“This guy did not only attempted to rape me, but he is also spreading lies about me in an attempt to embarrass and humiliate me,” Sara said.

Fatima’s story

A second victim of sexual abuse, who, like Sara, requested that her identity be kept confidential, also shared her story with Sahan Journal. 

At age 14, Fatima (a pseudonym) and a group of her Quran school classmates left the mosque with a teacher who routinely drove them home in a minivan. Fatima’s home was only a few blocks from the mosque, and she was often one of the first students dropped off. 

However, on the day of the incident, she said, the teacher who was driving the van took a different route, leaving Fatima the last to be dropped off. 

Finally, alone with Fatima, the teacher told her that he had boxes in the van that he needed help dropping off at a nearby warehouse before he could take her home.

“As we entered the [warehouse], the entire place was dark, and I couldn’t see a thing,” she said. “‘Oh my God, it is dark in here,’” she recalled exclaiming out loud.

The next thing she knew, the man grabbed her and pushed her to the floor, then sexually assaulted her, she said.

Afterward, he dropped her off at her home.

“I could not believe what just happened to me, and I didn’t know how to process it,” she said. “The only thing I could think about was to kill myself.

“My parents wanted me to go to the Quran school as usual, and just the thought of going there and meeting that man again made me sick,” she said.

Fatima constantly felt sick and depressed, and at times pretended to be ill to avoid going to Quran school. Eventually, her parents gave up on sending her to the school.

After two years of living with trauma and depression, she tried to end her life by slitting her wrists. In the hospital, she was asked what led her to cut herself, and for the first time in two years, she told her parents and the medical staff that her teacher had sexually assaulted her while she was in his care.

Her parents decided to talk to the perpetrator’s family. After discussions between the two families, the perpetrator’s family paid $20,000 in hush money to the victim’s family in an effort to settle the case.

“The effect of these traumas still haunts me to this day, and the only thing I can do is to just exist,” Fatima said. “The perpetrator was in his 30s at the time, and he has not been reported to the authorities or prosecuted for his crime to this day, and knowing that he was not punished bothers me more than anything.”

Twenty years have passed since the assault, but Fatima still has suicidal thoughts occasionally and finds it hard to move past these feelings. She is still afraid of being in dark places or alone in the house. 

But speaking out and seeking healing has helped.

“I started going to therapy when I was 16 and still do,” she said.

“Sometimes, I blame myself for agreeing to help him with his boxes, or [ask myself] why I didn’t report [the attack] the same day while the evidence was new, and why I waited so long to tell anybody,” she said. “But I do know why I trusted him so much — because he was the senior sheikh’s son, and no one would think the sheikh’s family could commit such a crime. 

“I used to be fearless, and always the loudest one in the room, but since that day, I’ve felt confused,” she said. “Sometimes, I don’t like being alone; other times, I don’t like being around people.”

When the supposed healers do harm

Danish Qasim, founder and director of In Shaykh’s Clothing, an organization dedicated to helping Muslims recover from spiritual abuse and religious manipulation, said that child predators carrying out their crimes is a sinister pattern that has also plagued other faith groups. 

Qasim said he would like to see a widespread campaign against spiritual abuse and the misuse of Islamic teachings for personal gain. 

He encourages religious institutions such as Quran schools to establish codes of conduct and train their staff and teachers not to be alone with students. 

Similarly, parents should teach their children that no one should touch them beyond a handshake or a high-five, and if anything beyond that occurs, they should report it immediately, he said.

Fatima said many children in her community spent more time at the mosque than at their own homes because parents saw the teachers as role models for their children and the mosque as the best environment for their children.

Occasionally, Qasim said, abuse and manipulation take place during the Islamic practice of ruqyah, in which a sheikh recites verses from the Quran to people facing health, financial, marital and other difficulties. While it is a legitimate method for helping people, some spiritual healers abuse ruqyah, targeting vulnerable people for their personal benefit, including sexual and financial gains, Qasim said.

In an article titled “When the Healer Harms,” he described instances where alleged spiritual healers asked their clients to undress and inappropriately touched them, disguising sexual assault as part of the ruqyah process. In one case, he wrote, a woman said “she was told to undress, then given a drink, and then woke up not remembering what happened.” 

Fatima said she often wonders if her attacker targeted others.

“The more I thought of the rape incident, the more I’m convinced that I was not the only one he sexually assaulted,” she said. “He was quick to attack and efficient with his assault, and I can almost guarantee that was not the only time he had done that.”.

She said her message to Somali parents is to not trust anyone with their children, even if they are in a religious space with teachers and faith leaders.

A place for hope and healing

Muna Scekomar is the founder and CEO of Beautiful Light Studios, a podcast production company focused on empowering Muslim women by telling their stories.

One such story is “Her Coming of Strength,” a podcast episode in which a young woman talked about how she was sexually trafficked for more than a year when she was a minor.

During the research, Sahan identified five sexual assault victims, but only two were willing to share their stories. Sahan met two of the victims through Beautiful Light Studio.

Muna said she has encountered several Muslim women who have gone through the trauma of sexual assault. None of them has shared what happened to them publicly or reported it to the authorities, because of fear of shaming and derogatory comments, she said. 

Some victims also acknowledge that failing to report sexual abuse gives perpetrators more leeway to continue their assaults on others, because there are no consequences for their crimes.

For those who have reached out in search of help and justice, healing comes slowly, but is possible.

“I feel like I lost a part of myself that day,” Fatima said of the teacher’s warehouse attack on her 14-year-old self. “Sometimes I think that if it weren’t for therapy, I would be dead by now.” 

Where to seek help?

Several agencies offer help to those who have experienced sexual assault and trauma:

The St. Paul and Ramsey County Domestic Abuse Intervention Project focuses on intimate-partner violence. A nonprofit, it provides free, confidential victim advocacy and links victims to services such as shelters, legal assistance and food programs.

Isuroon is a nonprofit that offers culturally specific services to Muslim women, especially those from Somali and Afghan backgrounds, but is open to serving anyone in need of assistance, including food, shelter, legal advocacy and referrals to other services. Isuroon also provides a 24/7 crisis hotline (833-437-3463) for victims of sexual and domestic violence.

SOS Sexual Violence Services of Ramsey County offers free, confidential support and a 24/7 crisis hotline (651-266-1000) for victims of sexual assault.